ducktapeduck:

topitmunkeydog:

alltehfandoms:

firefly-and-fae:

topitmunkeydog:

i killed a man

photo courtesy of koodalinee

That’s a sticky situation you seem to find yourself in, friend.

DAMNIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING CONFESSING TO YOUR CRIME ON THE INTERNET?!

Here’s what you need to do.

Wash the knife in bleach and throw it in a sewer grate across town or a large local body of water.

Smash the teeth out of the head and collect them all, then grind the teeth into dust (IN A DIFFERENT LOCATION THAN WHERE YOU STAY) and dispose of them.

Cut off the fingers and strip the flesh from the bone. Feed the flesh to an animal or go all Hannibal on it and consume it yourself.

Now comes the tricky part.

You’re going to want to get a hold of a ridiculous amount of saran wrap, a large plastic sheet, some garbage bags, a power tool that can dismember a body (pay in cash and buy it from a store outside of your city/town), a change of clothes, and a metric fuck-ton of cleaning supplies.

Got it all? Good.

Roll the body on top of the plastic sheet and dismember it. (You’re going to want to do this in a fairly clear, easy to clean area), blood will spurt out of that body insanely so you better have a good stomach.  

After you’ve got all the pieces nice and transportable, wrap them up in the saran wrap and stuff them in the garbage bags along with the clothes you were wearing when you murdered the victim and dismembered them.

Now, drive to the nearest auto salvage yard and throw the body and the clothes you’re wearing) in the trunk on top of a spare tire or any nearby one you can find, throw a heavy fuelant on top (either a hefty amount of gasoline or some napalm [gasoline mixed evenly with cat litter or orange juice concentrate]). Punch out a tail light, ignite the body, close the trunk, and get home.

Clean…

Clean so much.

Scrub until you can’t anymore and then fucking do it more. If you think you’re being too careful, you’re not.

Finally find a GROUP of friends (people who understand your murderous tendencies), and form a solid alibi and stick to it…

Oh, and delete your tumblr.

I killed a blueberry

they are either a writer or a murderer 


emmablowguns:

The life of a straight boy summed up in two overpriced hats


gallifrey-feels:

quietzombiegirl:

everyone’s grandparents seem to have really cute stories of how they met, and like my grandparents met when my grandma was running away from police during a protest and she jumped on the back of my grandads motorcycle and just screamed “DRIVE FUCKING DRIVE”

dude are you kidding that’s adorable. My grandparents met at a dance hall and got married because that was what 20 somethings did in the 1940’s.

My grandparents met on a double blind date but they weren’t each other’s dates.


sarah-the-artiste:

mrsmarymorstan:

i-am-mishafuckingcollins:

simonsayspegg:

unelanabolvangar:

can we just agree that hermione doesn’t give two shits about throwing rocks in the water. she knows exactly what she’s doing bless her

nO BUT
FLICK
HE LITERALLY JUST TAUGHT HER WHAT SHE TAUGHT HIM IN THE FIRST BOOK
YO
SWISH AND FLICK
THIS IS THE CUTEST THING

[SCREAMS OUT LOUD]

 (via Saffythegeek)

OH MY GOD


potatoeing:

doitsusleftnut:

navigatorin:

gabrielsaunteredvaguelydownwards:

meanwhile in england

  • i am in a dress
  • everybody you talk to opens conversation with ‘FUCK it’s hot’
  • there are three hour long traffic jams for the beach
  • everybody not at the beach is at home wailing that it’s too damn hot
  • the shops have sold out of hair removal cream

it is 28°C how do you people do this ‘heat’ thing

image

americans laughing in the distance

australians laughing maniacly 


stilinskillme:

remember when Cosmo didn’t tell Mama Cosma he married Wanda so when he went to see her he told her he was out getting milk for the past 10,000 years


getsby:

y’all are like “ooh everyone is beautiful” “ooh everyone deserves to feel hot” and then three seconds later you’re making fun of people who cover their acne with makeup and people who haven’t mastered winged eyeliner yet like grow the hell up you don’t get to pick and choose times to be body positive


official-azkaban:

thereforelesbians:

jamespotterwearsglasses:

claudberg:

jamespotterwearsglasses:

A brief summary of why I don’t like Severus Snape

image

since you’ve included the deathly hallows I have to deduct that your argument is invalid

Sorry I forgot that wanting to fuck Lily Potter makes up for being a terrible person!!! 

Snape was constantly a lil’ shit. Constantly



callmeoutis:

charlesoberonn:

The hebrew title for Game of Thrones is actually translated to Games of the Throne. Because if we translated the english title literally, it would be the same as the Hebrew name for Musical Chairs.

this just in game of thrones is actually the world’s longest and deadliest game of musical chairs



whateveryoudo-donteat:

agathaheterodyne:

so much of this website is just outcasts bullying other outcasts for not being the right kind of outcast

Thank someone finally put it into words.


acquaintedwithrask:

strampunkgear:

foreverdisneynerd:

For Atlantis, Disney needed a new language for the Atlantean people. To do this, Disney hired Mark Okrand, the man who also created the famous Klingon and Vulcan for the Star Trek series. In the Atlantean language, Mark Okrand’s main source for it’s roots and stems of its words are Proto-Indo-European,but as Okrand also described it as being the “tower of babel” or “root dialect” for all languages in the world, he also used ancient Chinese, Latin, Greek, Biblical Hebrew, along with many other ancient languages or their reconstructions. As such, you can actually learn to write and speak the language!

This film is so underrated it hurts.

ah this explains how they understood french and english so well almost instantly… better than the magical wind in Pocahontas that’s for sure